Hurting

I am not ready to say good bye.....I love you so much....
I want to be with you one more time.... I want one more hug,.....one more kiss
I NEED you
How do we go to being just friends? I guess it will be a learning process....but it seems impossible...

this really sucks....

Bad Day

I am soo stressed about so many different things....work.... the party we are planning for my parents....
My sister is really difficult to work with and she is taking things so easy and it's freaking me out....

All I really want right now is to be buzzed.... naked, while you spank my ass hard... I don't want to moan or scream or no words....nothing said.... I just want you to quietly spank me while I take it silently....

I just need some help to stay calm...... cause I am not doing a good job.....

All I can do really is get buzzed....and I am working on it....

More Difficult Times

Things are so crazy,..... I am in intense amount of pain and it is really starting to get to me... I just feel so tired ..... I want to be able to take care of myself.... but I just want you here and for you to hold me and take care of me....

Thank you

Things have been intense for us of late.... We are going through a lot - emotionally as well as physically.
I have just been really worn out physically of late.... Staying up late at night is so much harder than it used to be...
Master of course has been extremely understanding and supportive....
He has been there for me ...calling and checking on me and taking care of me...even with being so far away.
No matter how crappy I felt, his phone calls have put a smile on my face. Hearing from him is very comforting and feels just so wonderful....
But my being sick couldn't have come at a worse time.... He has been going through a lot himself too and I need to be there for him... but I just feel like even when I try to stay up I fall asleep...

I just feel guilty sometimes.... but I know he just understands things the way they are... I am just hoping to get beter really soon and be there for him and do what I can to take care of him...

I'm hot

I'm hot..... my body is boiling up kinda hot....
And not like it's hot here...its cool and raining outside...the thermostat says its like 75 degrees in here...which is usually cool...
But my body feels like it's on fire... I already kicked off my pj bottoms to the side of the bed...
I got a very thin cotton t-shirt on and I am sipping on ice cold water..... I am so damn fucking hot... I don't wanna turn on the AC... that's just too damn weird...I know I will if the heat becomes too unbearable....but who sweats sitting around when it's fairly cool ...
I am weird.... and hot.
I tried to sleep....I can;t.... The bed feels too damn hot on my skin

This is not fun,....

In Love

It is amazing how much I am in love right now... We have such an amazing connection...
It's hard to describe how exactly I feel.... I have never felt so much in love with someone...
I just want him to take me...completely - physically and mentally.
I just want to be his... I already am...
He accepts me for who I am...and for all my flaws
And he loves me unconditionally.... what more can a girl ask for!?!
(A boyfriend not on the other side of the country....but we are working with what we have)
It's overwhelming at times how much I feel for him...I have said that before too.... But my heart is just completely filled with love for him...
I am so happy... :-)

Two Wonderful Years

Yesterday was our 2 year anniversary and I got a cute card and scary looking nipple clamps from him,,.,,,,.... I have been lazy with his gift.... I know what its going to be... but im just bad with dates and anniversaries....
Oh well....we had a long discussion about our lives and future and it ended at a good note I think...
I told him I would want him to have a local submissive..... that whole conversation just turned me on so much....
I love talking dirty with him.... I feel like a very dirty slut...
And I told him that I had cum twice the night before.... He told me to show him dirty pictures .... I was just so horny...he told me I wasn't allowed to cum or touch myself... I broke the rule I asked him to put in place to begin with.
I know he wasn't happy about that.... And I am glad I got punished for it. By the time we stopped talking I was dripping wet.... I was soo close to an orgasm but I wasn't about to cum...I wanted him soo bad... he just sent me to bed and it was right when I thought I couldnt take any more....


I really need to realize that ive given him control and that I can't cum or touch myself no matter how bad I want it....
it's just so hard cause I am almost always turned on.... but I will do it.