Relationships

I am very scared to be in a relationship... Trust being the biggest issue.
I am hurt from my past relationships and that causes me to have a very hard time to trust somone.
I was thinking.. I have been truthful to you.. and trusted you...but I can't help that thought in the back of my mind that this could just be a stupid game.
And it's not you...it's me...
I always do this...
Once things start getting serious, I get afraid and all I want to do is run away.
I don't trust myself... I dont trust others... I dont think there is one person in the world I trust...
Not even myself..
I hate when I get to a point where I have to make decisions.. I dont know if I want this or not... I can't possibly ever tell my parents that I want to be a sub. There is no way I want to do that.
I want to still experience this..
I cant see myself living this lifestyle from this point on..
Maybe I am just too naive for this whole thing..
Maybe... I dont know...
I am scared...
I am confused.