sorry

I am so sorry... I didn't want to... I swear I didn't...
It hurt so bad to think that you would punish me... or tell me what to do and then just not wait for me to say something
I know this is my fault
And I know you didnt walk away
But when I asked you if you were there and you didn't say anything..
It just made me want to ask if you really even cared
I know you do,....
And I walked into the bathroom with every intention of spanking myself
It was just 21 times... that wasn't the big deal...
But then I looked at myslef in the mirror and just thought about how I have been used before...
How I've just been seen as a toy and nothing else...
And I know that's not you...
But I associated that with you telling me to spank myself and then just not saying anything ...since I didnt know you got a phone call... I asked myself if it was happening right again
I tried to just make myself do it...without caring about how i felt... but i couldnt...
I didnt want to put myself into that position...
and I walk back to you...feeling weak and hurt...
and thats when I see you got a phone call...

I know Im a dissapointment... I know you didnt like what I did
I didn't either ...
And I still wish I had without even thinking about it
Just thinking about it as something I have to do... and that's it..




And then you tell me to go to bed and that you would talk to me tommorow
That just seemed like an all too familiar situation...
about Paul
I have not once thought about him since I have met you until now...
it wasnt a punishment ...bt that's exactly what he did...
Kept me hanging and just walked out on me
It doesnt matter what he did
I have met the most wonderful person in the world because of what he did...
But then you saying that....
I am sorry my stupidity led to this...
Im sorry I didnt spank myself the way I should have
im sorry my actions made you unhappy


I know what I did was wrong
And I know I dewserved to be punished
But please dont do this to me....please dont walk out on me like that...

Please forgive me..
Punish me... Ill do anything you want me to....
anything
but please dont walk out on me....

How much you care about me and how much you have loved me is more than what I deserve...
Lying to you and disobeying you I know is the wrost thing I could ever do...
And I wont forgive myself for what I did...


But please forgive me


Im sorry
im sorry i dissapointed you

i promise ill be good...
please forgive me



im sooooo sorry
:-(