The Ups & The Downs

Every relationship goes through their ups and downs, and we have had out fair share too.
i just had a really bad Sunday and that affected my behavior when Master came online Sunday night.
We talked a little and he sent me off to bed for my bad behavior.
Today morning when I got to talk to him... I had already reflected on how I felt. I appologized.
We talked about punishments.
Being in an online relationship makes situations really hard... I know I needed to be punished. And I knew very well that he just thinks that making me spank myself is absolutely stupid.
But I still needed that punishment... I wanted him to make me cry and be strict with me.
And no, I dont ask that because it is part of some fetish.
It is because I truly want to be a good slave for him. I want him to be proud of me... I want him to love me unconditionally... I want him to never be dissapointed in him...
And I did dissapoint him Saturday night... I wanted to be punished because I wanted to learn a lesson. I did not want to just get away with being a bitch.
I dont want to be a brat (that is just something I would be if it was play-time). I want to be his good girl.
And that was why I asked for it and craved to be punished.
And He did... he was dissapointed in my behavior and made it very obvious he was. He made me feel very sorry for my words and actions.
I would feel a lot better if he would just talk to me... but no... it was a punishment.
He told me to go to bed and think about things...
I hate it when he just tells me to go to bed like that
But this morning... when I woke up, it was worth it. I had a chace to think about things and what I did.

We thankfully got a chance to talk about several things this morning.
We talked about our relationship and about being realistic, atleast until we are seperated by our physical distance.
I put a lot of time and effort into this relationship.... I am very afraid of all that could happen tommorow...
I fear of never having a chance to say the things I want to say and expressing how I feel.
And that explains why I stay up for him.
Earlier into our relationship I would always just take lil naps and wake back up in the middle of the night.
I just cant do that any more...I worry too much about not being able to wake up...
We all just take life for granted.... someone will go to bed tonight and not wake up tommorow morning.
It is a very scary thing for me to think of...
And that is why I stay up and make the most of the time I spend with Him.
I am a submissive and I fulfill myself in doing things that always remind me of my place.
Staying up until very early in the morning is just a little thing...
it is the closest I can get to feeling like MYSELF in my vanilla world.

We face a lot of struggles and difficulties, and I admire and love how we just manage through all the ups and the downs.
And there are more obstacles down our path...
I can only pray and hope for the best.

Anyways, Master is off on a camping trip. And we decieded that it is best for me to just stay off the computer for a day or two.
I wasnt planning on doing this post tonight, but I had several things on my mind that I wanted Master to know of...
So,...yeah...thats why!

Anyways, hope you all have a wonderful week. I will probably be back Thursday.
hugs!