Truths Unleashed: January 2006

Last Night

Hi baby
Thank you so much for the wonderful time last night, or rahter this morning.
I love to spend time with you so much.
I love how you make me feel.
And I love how caring and loving you are. Thank you for being just yourself!
It meant so much to me when you said that when I would come there you would give me a place just to do my art work.
It meant so much that someone cares about me like that.
I was lying in bed and thinking about what you said...and it reminded me of the movie Notebook.
I am not sure if you have seen it or not... but the movie is based during the time of some world war...I am not sure... but the main characters are Noah and Allie. Allie comes from a very rich family and Noah from a poor...
They meet and while they are getting to know each others.. Noah asks her what she likes to do in her free time...and she says that she doesnt have any free time. Basically her family could be blamed for how she lived her life. But then when they were getting to know each others he found out that she had a passion to draw...
Well over the rest of the movie, they get seperated...because of her family... and they fix her marriage ...
Then one day she sees his picture in the local newspaper that talked about how he restored a two hundred year old house... and while they were together he had promised her that he woould restore that house just for her..
Then she went to that house and to meet him.... and he had made the house just as she said she wanted to...with a white picket fence, porch around the whole house,... and a room just for her to draw.
It was a very sweet movie... and you should see it some time... or you know... I read this on castle realm...but maybe we could download the movie or rent it.. and watch it at the same time..
But anyways... what you said last night reminded me of the movie.
And that to me was a special way for you to tell me that you love me.
And it means soo much to me.
I love you baby.

Hi

Hi baby
it was so good to see you last night..
lol and you staring at me..hehe
btw... did you read that essay... on the story of o... its below...
i keep forgetting to tell u about it...
also... i love u a lot
and i miss u
im very glad to have u in my life...
u mean so much to me. i love you a lot.
hope to talk to u later tonight.
have a good evening.

A Filthy Whore... Humiliated

I went into the chat room early today morning...and told people what I had done....and thats when it all began.
From names being called....to signs of disgust.
It hurt so much to sit there and watch people tell me what a dirty slut I was to not follow your rules.
I couldnt even wait a week for the man I love....
I knew he would take care of me....like he always does....but no... my dirty pussy was attended to...
The words that came out of others mouths was one of the several things today that made me realize what a horrible thing I had done.
I begged to the men, to use me,...and to let me please them...
At first I got no resonses....but then I did.
He came and first he told me that I should always remember that this is just a body I am living my life in...every inch of my body is yours....
That I should not do something if I am told not to do it.
He then treated me like a whore.... using me like a dirty piece of shit. ,....in front of everyone in the room.
All I wanted to do was to get out of the room and cry to myself.... ask myself why I was so desperate and pathetic. But I want you to forgive me...
I stayed there and pleased him...and at the same the tiem rest of hte room..
Being told that I should make you proud....be a nasty whore for them....and indirectly please you...
I came three times as you instructed me to....each time being harder than the one before...
I am sorry for what I did....please forgive me.
I wont ever do anyhitng you dont want me to. I promise I will always make you happy.
I havnt felt this miserable in my life before....and I deserved it.
But please forgive me master.... I love you.
What I did was wrong..... And please forgive me for it...
My wet panties were a constant reminder....
please give me another chance..... I promise I wont ever dissapoint you.
Forgive me....
I love you.

'Story of O'

So here are the notes I wrote while reading the book....

Loved how they started out very 'normal.'
Did not like her being used by 4 men. If her master had never beat her before, this would have been a lot to take in.
Not sure how I feel about her living in the chateau.
I WOULD NOT want to go to a schoool for subs to be trained. Nothing like one-on-one training WITH additional help sometimes if needed.
I like the relationship they have,... I really like that he is never afraid to express himself. Says 'I love you.'
"I love you. When I'll also have given you to the valets. I'll come in one night and have you flogged till you bleed." OUCH!!! NO THANKS! It doesn't have to be said.... just come and do it.
Why would he be so ipen to ANYONE using her. It's a big chateau....things could happen and he might not even know!
"She must greet them and submit to them with the same respect with which she greeted him, as though they were so many reflections of him." Seems like a very dirty slutty thing.
"The more he surrendered her, the more he would hold her dear." 5 stars to him for that. I love that!
Don't like that he said that she was not allowed to speak or look at him or anyone else there. Speaking.... okay maybe thats not all that bad. But looking...... I want to be able to look at you / your eyes and see the love for me in your eyes when you are and once you are done beating me hard. Sometimes I mightneed that reassuring look and that sense of relief.... even when in pain...the feeling of beng protected no matter what.
At this one point he kees telling her that he loves her over and over again... (pg 35). Why....is something going to happen tonight (that night...
"He did not leave until he saw that her eyes were clear and her expression calm, contented. " (pg 35) I really like that he did that. *****
O has trouble with the rule of not looking at the mens faces. Im sure I would struggle with that too if I was put in that place.
I dont like the resistance towards the valets.
"The chains and the silence, which should have bound her deep within herself, which should have smothered her, strangled her, on the contrary freed her from herself." I think those lines are just amazing. LOL Im not as good of a sub as her.... lol I would have said F U and walked out the chateau. Just kidding!
<>"Beneath the gazes, beneath the hands, beneath the sexes that defiled her, the whis that rent her, she look herself in a delirious absence from herself which restored her to love, and perhaps, brought her to the edge of death" (g 39) Why does this feeling have to go to death? Thats just sick and pathetic to bring death into this. NOT COOL!
Rene is a newbie master? Why is he letting someone else deciede that O needs to be widened.
Widened eventually..... thicker shaft each night...for 8 or 9 days adn nights. WOW .... turns me on... I want that....
Rene is hay her behind is wider. He wont be around for the last few days at the chateau. He says, "But I love you. I do love you. Dont you forget me." ..... Uncertainty? Is he being forced to leave????
He always tells her he loves her....A BIG PLUS!!
He asks O for her permission to get a whipping. She agrees. But does she really have an option? Does he ask her because he wants to hear her answer and wants to see a proof of her submission?
Her complete devotion is to Rene and she is broken when he leaves.
"What her lover wanted from her was very simple: that she be constantly and immediately accessible." I like that....
"but she would learn that to maintain this descipline would require a constant effort on her part, an effort which would remind her, in the secret they shared between them and perhaps with a few others, of the reality of her condition when she was with those who did not share the secret, and engaged in ordinary pursuits." This kinda relates to us... and our lives...
Its interesting how she has to sit down on the floor when she answers the phone.... I dont really like it..
"That Rene loves you I have no doubt. I would have known even if he hadnt told me, even if he hadnt made a move: all one has to do is to see the way he looks at you." Thats a nice thing to hear....
"Rene is saying nothing: he prefers to have me speak for both of us." He should either be a submissive or a dominant. I think he is bad at both...
Sir Stephen at one point says that "you will still have only one master." Rene cant be a master when he is actually Sir Stephens sub.
I really dont understand why Rene didnt whip her.
"The very idea that Rene could imagine giving u any part of her left O stunned. She has taken it as the sign that her lover cared more about Sir Stephen than he did about her." I would be hurt beyond words if I was in her place.
"one object and one object alone: she wanted to exist for Sir Stephen, in however modest a way, in the same way she existed for Rene, and wanted him to feel something more than desire for her." Is she getting herself into shit again? Wat if Sir Stephen was the one that asked Rene to leave? Made him leave...?
"I love you, I love you, Rene," she repeated, softly calling to him in the solitude of her room, "I love you, do whatever you want with me, but dont leave me, for Gods sake dont leave me." Her words are so painful....
"The obstacle was not in Jacqueline. it lay deep within O herself, its roots deeper than anything she had ever before encountered. It was because Rene was leaving her free, and because she loathed her freedom. Her freedom was worse than any chains. Her freedom was seperating her from Rene." Very powerful words.... very touching... If I had the freedom,... I would ask for an option not to do it at all...not if it drew us apart...
It was heart breaking when Rene tells O that she belongs to Sir Stephen first. Its wrong....its evil....its pathetic....he shouldnt do that to her....
""My sweet angel," he had said, "you mean you still havntt understood that you no longer belong yo me, that Im no longer the master whos in charge of you?"" EVIL BASTARD! thats so sad.... "Not only had he refused, but he had told Sir Stephen of Os request and, in her presence, asked him to punish her harshly enough so that she would never again dare even to conceive of shirking her duties." .... of all the people...Rene is the one that deserves a harsh punishment.... I dont know how I would feel or I cant imagine the things I would go thru if I was in Os place.
"Rene remained only long enough to betray O and hear Sir Stephens reply. Then he shook hands with him, smiled at O, and left." HE SMILED AT O???!!!!????
<>"<>The welts on Os body took almost a month to disappear." :-s that sounds scary.
"Sir Stephen was a far more demanding but also a far surer master than Rene. And however passionately O loved Rene, and he her, there was between them a kind of equality (were it only the equality of age) which eliminated in her any feelings of obidience, the awareness of her submission." I think I can understand that... I can relate to it.... puts a great deal of importance on the awareness. I think thats essential.
"She had never lunched or dined at his place. Nor had Rene ever introduced her to any of his freinds, except for Sir Stephen. In all probability he would continue to keep her in the background." I dont think its fair to keep someone like her in the background. I want to be something or someone you are proud of....not something you keep hidden. I could just be labelled as a friend for all that matters....but not that!
"Had he given her to Sir Stephen so completely that he had ceased to love her ?" There is nothing but pain in those words...its very heartbreaking..
"until now her waist was scarcely larger than the circle formed with her ten fingers. Anne Marie ought to be pleased." Scary and unappealing.
"She was not wearing her black corset, but it had so moulded her into the desired shape that she looked as though she might break, so slim was her waistline now." ehhhh... I dont like that...not at all!
The branding irons....were scary. This is definately a limit. This is not something I think is necessary. Not the way it was done....its very scary.
"And Im not even sad the only thing I feel for him is pity, and even knowing he doesnt desire me any longer, I can see him everyday without any trace of bitterness, without the least regret, without even feeling hurt. And yet only a few weeks ago I dashed all the way across town to his office, to beg him to tell me he still loved me. Was that all my love was, all it meant? So light, so easily gone and forgotten? Is solace that simple? And solace is not even the right word. Im happy. Do you mean to say it was enough for him to have given me to Sir Stephen for me to be detached from him, for me to find a new love so easily in the arms of another?" How can you not be sad and hurt. How can you look at the man you loved more than your life a few weeks ago...and now feel nothing. That I think is a lie. She is hurt...and she is sad. If she wasnt...she wouldnt be talking about Rene.
"But what a delight and comfort, this iron ring which pierces the flesh and weighs one down forever, this mark eternal, how peaceful and reassuring the hand of a master who lays you on a bed of rock, the love of a master who knows how to take what he loves ruthlessly, without pity." So is this an eternal....everlasting sub space...?
The end..... very disappointing.

The book started out very interesting. It was nice to read about a submissive. It was easy to relate... it was like I was putting myself in her place and seeing it with my eyes.
The deapth of O and Renes love, the whole experience at Roissy, her journey... was all very interesting. Very informative.
Then as I kept reading, I didnt like the kind of master Rene was... I didnt like Sir Stephen... O and Rene were fine the way they were....he didnt hhave to butt in,...
I HATED Rene for what he did to O when he gave her to Sir Stephen. That wasnt nice.
I also didnt like how she then felll in love with Sir Stephen.... was it really love... I dont think so, I think she needed that someone there.... and once Rene left, Sir Stephen became the replacement.
Then things happen with Sir Stephen....
The branding iron and the rings...I really dont think I would be able to do that. I would definately call that timeout. ... i think...
Its very scary....
And then the end.... I hated the end. The content and also how it was put.
She was writing good until this point...and the end seems like she got tired...or realized she was running out of pages... and randomly just decieded to end it up. Thats how see it.
As far as the content....
Is this hitory repeating itself.... Is it going to happen again...after Sir Stephen too...is that why she wants him to take her life....
Its a bad on both O and Sir Stephens part... O is supposedly in love...she is foolish.. but how could he give her the consent to die!!!
Just absolutely ridiculous.
I think the end killed it for me... but I am very glad I read the book. I learned a lot... from things about limits, the lifestyle in general, to the extremes it can be taken to!
Thank you for making me read this.
I love you... Im sorry I took this long to re post this essay after loosing it when you were gone.

Hey

Hi baby
I miss you soooo much :-(
I am sorry that I havn't done the 'Story of O' essay yet.
I was going to do it today, but I feel horrible right now.
I have a fever... adn I keep feeling really cold.
And it was warm earlier today, so I didnt bring a jacket.
So it all just makes me feel that much worse.
The first class was okay...and my next class is in a few minutes.
I was dozing in my first class...
Its also really yucky outside. It's thundering.
I think I will just go home, take some sleeping pills and go to sleep.
About last night... I love you and I trust you.
To do what you want, when you want, any way you want.
It turned me on a lot.....:-)
So anywyas,
i am going to try napping a little before my next class.
Take care and hope you have a nice time there.
I love you.

I'm Back!!!

God I have missed you like crazy!
Several times (almost all the time actually)... thinking about you... thoughts ending in smiles, tears, and sometimes both. :-)
I LOVE YOU.
I can't wait to restart my life with you.
I shall write about my trip and my paper on 'Story of O' by tommorow.
Hope to talk to you tonight
Love
YOUR SLUT

In the mean time, enjoy these pics!

Love the top, and her curves....