Home Alone

I hate being home alone...
I feel alone and lonely...
So how am I dealing with it?
Vodka...
and I don't even drink.... well atleast not before
I have nothing to do...
All my friends are too busy doing I dont know what...
The only person available is my ex-fuck-buddy who decieded to call me...
Arghhh... I am so used to always having someone or the other around....
I really really wish he was here

:-(

My New Home

OMG I love my new apartment...it's so cool....
Today has been a long day.... Did a lot of transferring,....
My body aches...but I am happy :-)

Unfortunately last night me and Master didn't get to talk much...
But I told him I will make up for it tonight...
Today is going to be weird... I am probably going to be home alone tonight and tommorow night since my family is out of town.. and being alone in a huge big place is kinda scary...
But oh well.... music will keep me company!

And going back to me making up to Master for last night....
How?
Maybe dressing like this female below will make him forget my bratty and bitchy behavior from last night...



Yes Master?
I hope you didn't fall off your chair!! LOL
(I bet he said 'Oh Shit' when he saw that!!! lol)

P.S. I went blog hopping after I wrote this..and went to padme's blog... and god her post has got me sooo freaking horny. I wanna play with myself sooooooooooo BAD!!
Torture....pure torture...I soooo need to find some really freaking hot pics tonight to earn myself the chance to cum....mmm I am so freaking horny!!!

Bad Girl

I have been so bad about writing here and making comments and replies....

I just don't have much to say....

Bad again.... for making excuses!

Anyways,....HHNT! (no pic lol)

Tired

I am so extremely tired today...and I am just so not in the mood of looking for kinky dirty pictures for him like i usually do.
But I know he wont like it...we kinda talked about it yesterday and he was strict about it.
But I want him to be strict and make me cry. I feel closer to him that way. I love it when he is strict.
So I do want to be a bad girl...but I also want to be a good girl and just get some kinky hot pictures for him.
Good...or bad???
I know that if we were together... I would have been a bad girl... just to get a nice spanking!
hehe
What should I do now? I kinda want both equally!!

One year later....

He came into my life when I least expected it....
I had become a regular in the Yahoo! Chat Rooms ever since I had discovered my fascination of this lifestyle... It was just another night... I was just looking for some online play...
I saw him in the room... I was looking at his profile when he sent me a message.
We talked about ourselves and our interest in the lifestyle. I told him I was new to this lifestyle and wanted to be a submissive.
We talked more and more...from that point on.
We soon started this blog... to help with this training and discovery process.
It was this blog and his encouragement that brought about my deepest and most passonate thoughts and feelings.
I feel that our relationship grew deeper and stronger because of this blog...because it made it easier for me to express and say what I felt.
It became my place to vent out my raw emotions when he wasnt around.

With time... our relationship became stronger.

It was all really more than I could ask for.
There were good times and bad.
I think the ones I am most greatful for are all the bad times... as it is those bad times that brought us closer together.
I was falling in love with him...more and more each day.
He was always caring and understanding.

We have shared some stupid arguments, long meaningless conversations, and our dreams and hopes for the future.

Our relationship was great... And then came that afternoon when he said he could be coming to my area for a work related training class.
It didn't sink in... he told me about it out of the blue on that Friday afternoon. I was surprised... And I don't think I understood what that meant only after he actually said it.
That could have been just what we had been looking for... a chance to meet and take our relationship a step further.

The next few weeks went on with feelings of anxiousness, fear, and happiness to name a few.

And then came the day I remember like it was yesterday...
I couldn't sleep a wink the night before....
And then when I was driving to the airport that evening I was so nervous... but I was very happy. I shed a few happy tears thinking how lucky I was to get this opportunity to meet the man I had cared for and loved so much.

When he smiled at me... everything in that moment was just perfect.
We were finally in the same time zone!
I could finally touch him, and kiss him, and look into his eyes and tell him I loved him.
I remember the time he first kissed me, the time he held me so tight, the time we lay in bed next to each others hearing each others breathe.
There was a lot I remember.
I always wished and hoped I could have spent more time with him... but no matter what, those days were the best 9 days of my life.

We could love each others as much in real life as we could through our computer screens,... if not more.

Seeing him go was very hard. All I wanted was to lean on him and hold his arm and never let go. But it wasn't a good-bye.

His visit was perfect and just at the right time.
We got to know each others and our bond grew even stronger.

Baby, we have been through ups and downs. Good days and bad. You have always been there for me... and for that I am thankful.
I love you so much.
You are everything I could want in a perfect man...and then some more.


I wish I could bring out my creativity and emotions through beautiful words... but since I can't... I wanted to just put this here...

Love is always patient and kind.
It is never jealous.
Love is never boastful nor conceited.
It is never rude or selfish.
It does not take offense and is not resentful.
Love takes no pleasure in other people's sins, but delights in the truth.
It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure....
whatever comes.
('A Walk To Remember' by Nicholas Sparks)

I love you baby and I promise to give my all to you...and us.
I will be strong in the hard and difficult times. And I will always be there for you.

I have been thinking about the right thing to say...
You sent me an e-mail early on this year that says exactly what I feel....

"I love you bhumi.. and I care deeply about you. I don't know what the future really holds, but I do know that no matter what happens, no matter where our lives take us, I will love you and care for you."

I completely agree with what you say baby.... There is no guarantee as to what will happen tommorow...not even today... Like you have said before... it is best to take things one day at a time. You have changed my life and always been there for me... I am very thankful... I will never forget everything I have learned in this year... and all the things I will learn in our journey together.

I look forward to and am hopeful for our tommorow.
Always know...that no matter what... I will always love you and care deeply about you.

I love you, Tom!

xoxo

blah blah - i blah blah a lot....blah blah

I wanted to write about last night...
He was so understanding... and treated me just right.
We had an emotional understanding conversation and I got to talk to him about everything thats going on with me.
I have a lot on my mind and there are a lot of changes that are about to come in my life...
I am finally moving out... it will be a new place, new job, new people....
I am very excieted, anxious, scared, and I am experiencing a bunch of other emotions.
It meant a lot to me that he cared about me not feeling alone. He asked if he could do something about me feeling alone...the selfish needy person in me wanted to tell him that I needed him to be there with me...but I know that is not possible.
I do feel alone... in a more physically-there kind of terms.
But I know he is always there for me...
We did a lot of talking... and then right when I thought it was time to go to bed, he ordered me to show him some very hot pictures.
He turned me on almost immediately... I love how unexpected he can be!
He made me pinch my nipples and when they hurt he made me pinch them even harder.
He then let me cum and I had one amazing orgasm!

Today... I now realize how hard I really did pinch myself... I feel so sensitive...
I know he would like that :-)

I love him so much! I am very lucky he treats me the way he does and cares about me so much!!

Sore

As we shared out dirty hot pictures last night...he ordered me to stick 3 fingers in my pussy. I was wet...but still that was so much stretching for my tight little hole.
He made me fuck myself and then let me cum.

Today I am sore... but also wet and horny.
I like being sore.... it reminds me of the last time I was sore.... when he was here!!

Poem

We are nearing our one year anniversary.... and I have been trying to just find the right things to say to you!
I am not a poet, and yet a poem is needed to fully express the way I feel about you. (The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks)

And so... I bring to you something that I feel came from somone who feels/felt the same kind of things that I feel for you.
When I read this poem at Castle Realm I thought I was reading and finally finding the words to the things I feel deep within my heart....

For You Master


To see the sparkle in your eyes
And feel the warmth of your touch,
You have me under your spell of love
With you I have grown so much.

You are my Master, lover, friend, confidant
And I have given myself to you completely,
I know that all my tests of will,
Sometimes cannot be handled sweetly.

I hope that you never give up on me,
For without you I cannot live.
My dream is to travel life's path with you
And learn all you have to give.

In good times and in sad times
I hope that you will always know,
You keep me going day to day
In all you do and show.

You are the air I breathe,
And the very beat of my heart,
With you I see so many new things,
Even when we are apart.

You have so much to offer
You are such a compassionate man,
Strength and honor are your name,
With kindness and patience going hand in hand.

Master, please know how much I love you
As I know how much you love me,
With your guidance and protection,
I want to be the best for you I can be.

'Coy' wrote thsoe words... but those would be things I would say if I had the ability to.
I love you so much!

xoxo

To Master

I am soo happy today... I have been thinking a lot about you.!!
I cant wait to talk to you tonight!!!

I love you!
~all yours.
XOXOXOXOXOXO

Turned On

He had put me on the no-panties rule since a long time...But now the rules have changed. Its only thongs now.
I don't like it! It keeps me wet and horny all the time!
And ofcourse...I asked him if we could change the rules. Very stupid.
It is usually just a dripping wet pussy...and my nipples stay out of the action unless if they are stimulated. But today... they have been so naughty. Hard and pushing onto my bra and clearly visible for most of the day. Painfully hard.
I want to get off so bad...but I know he won't let me.
I guess I am trying to learn how to cum just when he wants me to.
I want to please him. I want to learn how to be horny and miserable ...but to follow his rules.
I want him to control me and my body.

I make myself throb in pain and extreme desire... but I know he likes it. I do it for him. I want to be wet and ready for him at all times.
And I am....I say so as I feel my juices dripping down my leg.

Lazy Ass

I have meant to write something here before today... but just didn't feel like it,.... I'm just being lazy.... (do you think he will spank me for it? lol)
More than a spanking.... I wanna cum really hard right now.
The weekend was extremely stressful with things at home... And Master has been so supportive and understanding... I feel so lucky that I have him... his guidance... his strength.
He many times has become my reason to live.... and like I have said before he is like my guiding light in this dark tunnel.... every time I am ready to give up... I see the light closer than ever before... He is just absolutely wonderful!!

Anyways.... so yeah after the crazy weekend I think a good powerful orgasm would be such a treat!!
And when I said more than a spanking... well I said that because more I will think about a spanking more I will be teased... I don't want to be teased.... I want to cum!
(Do I sound like a spoiled girl now?)

I guess I am going to need some really hot pics for Master tonight...
LOL
Take care all!!

Blabber Post - A Strange Day

Today was really strange...and different.
It was different from what things have been of late.

But the biggest thing... I read a book...ALL OF IT! From the first page to the last....

I usually hate reading...
But today was different... I just couldnt put the book down...
I read 'The Notebook' by Nicholas Sparks... it isnt that long...
I have seen the movie and it is one of my fav ones..


This really is a big deal....I think all my life, as far as I can remember, I have now read only 3 books completely.
1) The Catcher in the Rye.
2) Story of O
3) The Notebook.
I have tried several times....
I have not finished several countless books...

I know its sad...but it takes a lot to make me read a book!

I am glad I read this one!

Sleepless Nights

Last evening all I really wanted was to be loved and cared for...I said that I didn't want sex.

But that changed just a few minutes before he came online last night.
It was late... and I was sure he would be tired.
But it was like I knew he was going to come... just a few minutes before my mood changed from wanting to be loved to just wanting to be a complete brat.
He came online and it didn't take long for him to comment on my behavior.
He said I was being a bitch...
He told me that many times I ignore my submissive side. And I told him how I loved being a brat.

We exchanged our usual naughty pictures....
He teased me like he always does.... I was so horny.
But I didnt even ask him if I could cum.... I didn't think he would allow me to cum...besides I kind of wanted to be needy and horny.

Our chat went on for a long time...it was close to 5am my time when we were done. I was so very horny....I tossed and turned in bed for a very long time.
I had a million thoughts running through my head.

I love what he does to me.... I love how he can control me even when he is so far away.
I am a very lucky girl. :-)

Loving You

So this is finally a day that I am not thinking about sex all the time.

All I want right now for him to hold me tight.... I was to just melt in his arms and for us to become one. I think about running my hands through his amazingly soft and wonderful hair...
I think about him sucking on my tongue as his lips would be around mine....

I think about feeling content... like never before... as I am with him...


'What would it be like to swing on a star or walk on a cloud? Would it be anything like what I feel when you're near?'

Teased

I am just completely teased and desperate.

Ok so this is what happened yesterday and day before.
On Sunday we were talking like we do everyday and we came to the topic of bras. And I told him about the lace bra I had and how my skin really didnt like it. It would just make my twins blush and irritate my skin.
And my dear Master.... like I have said before, has an evil evil mind. He has always told me about making me wear wool panties.
He is THAT evil.

Anyways....so he was absolutely take advantage of that. He told me to wear my lace bra.
And keep it on throughout the day and remove it only after he allowed me to at night.

So thats what I did yesterday. I am sooo teased. When I would get turned on... and my nipples would brush against the not so soft lace... I would be so teased and miserable.
There were times when I just kinda wanted to cry and just rip the bra off.
This was just a different kind of pain...
My breasts were just so sensitive...
And then he kept me waiting for a long time.
He came online later than what he usually does when he is home.
And thankfully he thought that was enough teasing for the day and let me remove my bra.
I was so damn relieved...
I had taken pics for him earlier of how sore and red my boobs were.

Even after the night...this morning my skin feels really sensitive. My nipples are incredibly hard and they hurt!!

And oh... I almost forgot... he didnt let me cum last night. Arghh!!
And then he teases me more.
EVIL.
And he has been doing that for a few days....God I hate it.

He is probably gonna make me sorry for complaining like a bitch... I really have been a nasty little bitch of lately...

Aarghh...
Im sooo wet... :-(

Torture...

I should probably write about all the evil things that he has been making me do!!
Today was a day that was filled with torture...
and as I write this...I await his arrival
and hopefully an end to the tease

It wont make sense what I am talking about... but I am in no state of explaining what happened...and is happening.
I have taken pictures...and maybe I will put one up for HNT if he allows it...


Thats all I can think of writing right now...
Will write later explaining all that happened today

Dripping Wet

OH MY GAWD!!!
I couldnt be any more miserable and needy. (and horny!)

This afternoon I had been out a lot, and was with my sister actually.
Before we got back home, she wanted to go to Barnes & Noble. So we go there... and I innocently picked up a copy of Cosmo on my way to the comfy big couches.
I didnt even pay attention to all the big prints on the cover. I knew I was going to be there for a bit... so I was hoping to find something interesting to read. And no... I did not intend to read on anything sex-related necessarily..... really!!!

So then when I do got seated... I looked down. And I read something that put a huge big grin on my face!
'101 Sex Tricks To Try Before You Die'

This reminded about the time I talked about all the wild crazy things I want to do to him... I want to be the best damn piece of ass he has had! LOL

But going back to the Cosmo..
I started reading the list... and I was oh-so-miserable by the time I was on #20.
Those things were so damn hot. I was wet...VERY WET.
As most might already know.... I am not allowed to wear panties. And today I had these nice khaki capris....that were really thin.
As I was reading the list.... I kept thinking about all the wild things I hvae done... the ones I have thought about.. the ones that I know I want to do... and the ones that are just going to be those unpredictible unexpected spur-of-the-moment kinda things.
I am probably one of the least sexually experinced people of all the people I know thru this blog! So yeah... not a long list on me! lol

I dont want to give out the things on the list... I dont want my dear boyfriend/Master to get any clues! I TRY to be a tease! LOL
Anyways.... By the time I was done reading... I was WET. Very much so. I kept moving around and squirming.... It was not one of the most comfortable places to be at...especially since I wanted to touch myself so bad.
One of the things that made me most miserable was one of the positions they talked about.....
Not only was it hot just the way it was...but it was something I had actually experienced before! (Can you believe that?!!!!!?)

It was with a guy I had a little fling with...whom I met at work. We only really hooked up twice or thrice....
And the one I was thinking about was when I say face down on my bed. He put pillows under me first and entered me from behind... if that wasnt sensitive enough.... he then made me bring my legs closer together and he stretched his around me. He directly stimulated my g-spot.... and that was just what they were talking about in the Cosmo 101 Sex Tricks list....!!!!!

Reading about all this also reminded me about all the most orgasmic things in my past....
It made me think about the time when he was here... and when he spanked my breasts so hard and made them so sore. I was bruised for over a week or so... and honestly...it is hands down the BEST thing I have sexually experienced. Even though I wasnt allowed to cum...even though it hurt so much... it was the pain that was wonderful. I cant put to words what I was thinking and feeling...but it was pure bliss.

I also thought about all our online play times.... I thought about the one time he made me put clothespins on my tits. I have this love and hate thing for them...the pain is just so fascinating... but I am very sensitive and honestly would need to be tied down to keep my hands from not removing them.
I remember begging to him... and telling him how much it hurt.

Then I thought about our chat last night....
I told him that today would be a perfect day for him to tease me... as I was too scared to touch myself as I had cut jalapenos and ginger during dinner.
He said that he knew I just wanted to touch myself.
I asked him if I could go wash my hands one last time and then touch myself if he wanted me to.... And to that he gave me a condition...
That I would have to go and cut fresh jalapenos and ginger and rub it on my fingers and hands, and then touch myself when I went to bed.
I was scared when he said that.... Scared of the pain...and also very turned on.
I told him I would do that.... even though I really didnt have to. I knew he would enjoy me being in pain and miserable.
He was strict then.... he wasnt happy that I hadnt collected pictures for him yet... and he told me to do so.
Unfortunately...we never came to the jalapenos and ginger part....
I was disspointed and also kind of relieved. More dissapointed though.
I really wanted to feel the pain ...and the burn.

I hope we can do it some time soon....

I was thinking about how I wanted him to put me on orgasm denial for a long time.
I want to be teased miserably... mercilessly...
I want to be put to bed as horny as I can be...and strictly not allowed to touch myself.



I know I have got a little carried away with the point of this post...
It was a fun thing to read... and I had an embarrasing wet spot by the time I got home.

Sorry about all the blabbering....
I just had a lot of wild thoughts and imaginations...
and now I am just speechless....

Kinky Morning

Last night was really erotic. Master teased me so much!!

I found a bunch of hot pictures....and that just set the right mood.
I was wet and horny and wanted to cum so bad but Master did not let me when I wanted to.

He teased me more and more... I was begging him to let me cum, to let me touch my pussy and my boobs... but he wouldnt let me. He told me not to ask him again.

It was painful and I was sooo teased and my pussy was dripping wet.

This is one of Master's favorite pictures from last night.

He came online first thing this morning and teased me more. He made me cum right away and told me to do it quick.
He then told me to use my silver bullet.... But I had to go buy batteries.
I was all wet and horny when I drove to the near by RadioShack and brought those batteries.
I came home and started pulling off my clothes as soon as I walked into the door.
I then went up to my room and watched some porn. And came really hard as I did so.
It was important that I was following his orders and doing things the way he wanted me to.

And here with this post.... I am doing that again.
He wanted me to put up this picture and talk about it.
We have talked about peircings a lot before...and it is something we seriously consider.
This one was much different from the usual ones I show him...this one is more hardcore!
This is something he wants me to get. And it is also something that I want.
It looks soo painful and erotic.

It would HURT!! And it would be some kinda weight to carry around at all times.
And I cant even imagine how intense it would get when Master would get his hands on them.
He is so big about breast torture.
I was thinking about the time when he was here and when he spanked my breasts. It was sooo erotic. I loved it so much... and it was so wonderful. The marks stayed for over a week and looking at it was such a tease.
It reminded me of the look on his face... the mixture of feelings I felt as he spanked me....
It was so wonderful and I miss it soo much!
I cant wait for the next time when he will will spank me like that and make me so sore that I would have a hard time putting my bra back on... like how it was when he was here. :-)

I just wanted to write and tell what a dirty little bitch I am. And that I do what he wants me to... no matter what it is.
So what do you'll think about the picture?
Hope you like it!
Everyone have a good Friday.

- His slut

More blabber

First thing.... I am horny.
2nd....


Well the whole list of 1st, 2nd, 3rd....etc I was thinking of just goes with the first one...
So yeah... I guess you get the idea!

But since I am not allowed to touch... let's not talk about things that will tease ME and get ME into trouble. (I am no saint...I have broken the rule [no touching, no cumming] a bunch of times... and I did it last a few days back... So I am giving him time... 2 offenses back to back could mean serious trouble!)

Any who....

Here are random things I am going to say in this post....

1) Ernesto has brought some rain in my neck of the woods....

2) This list went from #1 to #5 to #4 to #3....and I dont really have a #2!!?!?!

3) I have been watching 'Friends' all evening...Love it! So that explains my stupid annoying behavior. (or whatever it is you wanna call it).

4) I have been reading blogs... but not commenting. I am such a lazy ass...Master, I think I deserve a punishment. (He doesnt do the online punishment thing...but hey...worth a try!)

5) I am horny... But...yeah... I might have said that before...

Anyways....that was mindless bullsh!t (oh yeah... I have been cursing a lot in the past few days... will ya spank me for being a bad girl yet???).
Here is something funny I read at Bonnie's blog...She has up top 10 reasons why spankings are better than prozac...
And here are my favorites...

1. Zero cost.
5. Dosage can be modified as nesessary.
6. Fast acting relief.
8. Arousal is the most common side effect.
10. Available over the counter.

LOL. Funny eh?
#8 kinda brings up that doctor fetish many have....
'Hey Doc...this spanking thing has been working wonderfully....But I am suffering an extreme case of deep arousal'.
'Oh don't worry sweetie...tests have proven that to be a definate side effect with submissive slaves/sluts.'

Ok yeah... I know...not so funny. But you get the point..dont ya? It would have been funny if it came out the mouth of a stand-up comic... I am an accountant... I am soooo allowed to say things that I would think are funny...but in reality they are far from!!

accountants = BOOOORING!!
lol.

yeah Im done blabbering...
thanks for bearing with me.